#my mom doesn't know about me being aspie

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Undiagnosed Autism-spectrum disorder in The Michells Vs The Machines

I'm sure that more well educated people have put two and two together in this film but I really, really want to put my own spin on it from my experience. For me, as an aspie, film is one of my biggest interests. I love studying and more than anything I love watching and rewatching films. My latest favorite movie was one that I just watched last night for my family movie night, The Michells Vs The Machines. I also went 17 years of my life asking myself the same question that both Rick and his daughter ask each other, what is wrong with him/her?

Well, I'll tell you, in my firmly undiagnosed autistic opinion for far too long, that this family is full of people with undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. When I was watching it with my parents my mom made the comment that "the dad was a jerk" and maybe "he just didn't love his daughter enough to let her be her own person." I thought that was so not seeing the bigger picture even though it was only fifteen minutes into the film. I have felt like Katie so much with my own dad. My dad is a computer nerd and a physics major for those of you that don't talk to me very often. That means in laminas terms that he's extremely smart. Way smarter than I will ever be in my entire life. Both of my parents are insanely smart in their own rights. My mom is a CPA accountant. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about here. I want to discuss the effect of undiagnosed autism and what it can do to a whole family when they all have it and just don't know that they do. This will probably go on for quite some time so you may stop here or read below the cut because this also has the probablity of getting super, duper personal.

We'll start with Katie! To me, Katie is one of the most relatable characters that I have ever come across. She's a film nerd, which alone has made her supremely relatable as somebody who is thinking about going into a degree in film studies. I am more of a critic of film than somebody who wants to make her own film but nonetheless, there were SO many little moments that I related to. The first thing that I personally noticed and related to was the stimming technique that Katie has. She chews on her hoodie strings. As somebody who has chewed on the drawstrings of hoodies far too often long before I was officially put into the Aspergers box. Aspies are also known to stick with one "special interest" for the rest of their lives if it's one that is wide enough and varied enough to make it applicable. For Katie, that's film. For me that's animation. I appreciated that little detail of most of her dialogue being references to other films because as a lover of films and movies in general I could go for days on just fumes and movie references that nobody else understands. The little things from her hair being perpetually messy (same that's a whole ass mood like I just learned over quarantine how to tye my own hair back), only having one earring in her ear at all times, the way that she dresses and draws on her own hands, this was just me when I was first in high school. I was one of the few people that wore shorts underneath all my skirts/dresses. Everyone who knew about looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball.

Aaron, the younger brother, also just oozes spectrum lil buddy out of his every pore from his being. I do think that they should have picked somebody capable of doing a bit of a younger sounding voice (I know what they were going for, but like Ben Schwartz has become a huge deal in both voice acting and live action before switching mediums.) His special interest is actually quite a common one, he loves dinosaurs. I've met a bunch of people on the spectrum that are fascinated by dinos and what they meant for the world as well as the universe as a whole. To me, there was one scene specifically that was the scene where Katie was lightly teasing him when they were going to the half assed dinosaur extravaganza. For me, this was SO relatable because both of my parents will mess with me about my interests most of the time it's when we go to Disneyland, they'll tell me that we actually aren't going to land of magic but to Timbuckto (hopefully one day they'll say some place else just to switch things up.) I related so hard to Aaron's protesting and whining in this scene since that is always my reaction to doing something that I want to do but get told that I can't do that thing.

Linda is more of your traditional mom but I think that she's on the spectrum as well. Just a more... normalized version as opposed to her family. She's able to be a teacher, she's able to interact somewhat normally around her neighbors. If anything, she reminded me of my own mom. This independent, takes nobody's trash (especially not her husband's), strong minded, and amazing mother who is completely in control of everything. She knows the special interests of her children and is constantly thinking of what will make them happy. Whether it be taking a detour for something dinosaur related, reminding her daughter that her dad loves her no matter what, and even something as simple as watching something that her daughter made and put her heart and soul into. I can't tell you how many times my mom has watched something with me. She watched my first anime Soul Eater with me when I was 12 and ever since then has been trying to get me to watch other shows with her. She's a lot like Linda, your loving, but firm mother who just wants her family to work things out.

Whew boy. This one is going to be probably where I cry. Comparing my dad to Rick is... something that I did consistently when I was watching the film. He's the strong but silent type usually, unless your me and he's just this constant annoyance when I'm trying to do something. He could be seen as just a "Jerk" but I think that is the undiagnosed aspie talking. Rick and Katie just struggle so hard to see eye to eye because their special interests can't intersect to save their lives. This, this hurt me because so often I struggle to relate to my dad. Especially when he talks to me about computers or physics. Now I took physics but without having been in quarantine and having him as my live in tutor I would have failed, not gotten an A. This has resulted me in saying things that I don't mean in the heat of the moment when we do argue. It doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to back when I was in middle school but when it happened it was because of one thing. I lied. I used to lie a lot because I felt so unworthy of being his daughter because on my best days I am not technically smart. You want to know how many nations of the world there were in 1991 when the original Animaniacs was airing? You want to hear my Dot Warner impression? Did you ever wonder how to recognize a specific voice when your watching anime? Have you ever had to watch a panel of your favorite anime voice actor just to laugh at something? No, well I did. But ever since I have started taking a quarter off from community college I have realized something. I am not technically smart. I struggle at learning the rules for math. My dad can do this with his eyes closed but me, I struggle and look like a complete moron. It took years for my dad and I to see eye to eye. Sometimes I still wonder if I was the product of some laboratory experiment of what would happen if two intelligent people came together, fell in love, and expecting that the daughter was smart I was the reject. Watching this movie with my dad I saw so much of my relationship with him on the screen. Struggling to relate to one another, fighting and getting into arguments about petty things, and not being able to be in the same room as one another without heated words because I didn't get him.

The scene that I related to the most when it was in terms of how much Katie just doesn't understand her dad was after he was nabbed by the machines. When Aaron asked her why she said those things to their dad and her simple answer was "I don't know." This. This right here was when I saw me. So many times I've gotten into heated arguments with my dad when he has simply annoyed me at the wrong time and I've just blown up in his face. Then I regret my actions and not know how to apologize for losing my temper with him because "I don't know" just doesn't seem like a nearly acceptable answer. I felt this in my soul because it happened especially often before I was diagnosed.

When I was diagnosed, things started to get better with my dad and I. We haven't had a fight in nearly four years now. He watches cartoons with me now to try and relate to me, it's mostly Pinky and The Brain but it's more than I could have ever asked for. I love my dad so much, more than anything in the entire world. This movie is so, so good at telling a story about how a family of undiagnosed aspie's and people on the spectrum struggle to relate to one another because their special interests are different.

Special interests and family's are especially difficult and I applaud this movie so loud because of the way that it was able to treat the subject matter with integrity and honesty. I'm sorry if this analysis got a little bit long in the toof but thank you for sticking with me! I really hope that if you watched the film you loved my analysis.

[brightlotusmoon]

"It is a truism that there are people, particularly on social media, with whom one simply cannot reason. Hell, some of them aren’t even actual people, but rather bots whose very existence makes every other interaction suspect. And so we could certainly take worse counsel than to avoid wasting our precious little energies on those who make it clear that they do not share our core values, particularly online, and particularly when the values in question are equality, inclusion, respect, and the most basic, fundamental rights of every human being on the planet.

But I worry. I worry that our wholly understandable refusal to engage with one another will ensure that the bifurcation of us as a people, both as a purposeful political strategy by those in power domestically and as a means for external forces to "sow societal chaos and discord*” becomes permanent. And I worry about what it will do to our ability to evolve, both as individuals and as a society.

I look back on my life and I remember a lot of moments that I’d prefer to forget, and that I hesitate to share. I remember when I was fresh out of college and just starting out in business and one of the senior-most guys on my desk, a man I admired greatly, would make fun of the support staff by saying, “We hire the handicapped; they’re fun to watch.” I remember that I laughed. Not because I thought that I had to to keep my job, not because I felt pressured to do so, but because I thought it was funny.

I remember when the girls were tiny and we bought Katie a doll house, and it came with a family of dolls. I remember that I hadn’t noticed that I’d bought the one with the Black family until I’d brought it home and decided it was a happy mistake. But I also remember that when a guest saw it one day, they laughed and said, “Oh, look, the house came with help,” I chuckled, rolled my eyes, and carried on.

I remember when I screwed something up and thought it was funny to mockingly say, “I”m special. I ride the little bus and wear hockey equipment every day.”

I remember raising inordinate amounts of money, making speeches, pleading for pity, all in the name of finding a “cure” for autism, with no idea that the vast majority of the people for whom I was supposedly fighting desperately needed help and support, but had no desire to fundamentally change who they were.

That was ME. The me that you know, the one who fights like hell for equality and dignity and respect, started out as a person who mocked disability and allowed racial jokes to stand unchallenged in her own home. Who effectively silenced her daughter’s autistic peers. And who desperately needed interaction with people who were light years ahead of me to get me to where I am now. And it scares me, on so many levels, to think of how different my behavior might be had I not had those interactions.

Now I want to be as clear as humanly possible that I don’t mean to imply that we owe our time and energy to anyone, particularly those who deny others’ lived experience or excuse brutality or withhold justice or actively fight against equality. And I want to be even clearer that it is absolutely, positively not the job of the oppressed and marginalized to educate their oppressors and marginalizers. A thousand times no, no, and, just for good measure, hell no. No one is entitled to your labor.

But I do want to take a pause to consider what happens when the vast majority of us, particularly those of us with relative privilege who claim to be allies in the fight, simply stop talking to anyone who isn’t already standing shoulder to shoulder with us. What happens to the folks who might just have taken up the mantle of advocacy had they been exposed to a wider variety of people and perspectives? What happens to the ones who are never challenged to examine their own role in perpetuating the systems that keep us separated in the first place? My behavior changed because I had the opportunity to interact with people outside of the bubble in which casual bigotry and degradation and punching down for a laugh were perfectly acceptable. But what if I hadn’t?

Years ago, I became facebook friends with a particularly radical disabled activist who had taken me to task here on diary a number of times. At the time, a close friend asked what the hell I was thinking bringing them into my inner circle. They said something I’ll never forget: “Aren’t you going to be, like, so uncomfortable knowing that they’re seeing all your personal posts? You’re going to have to watch *everything* you say from now on.”

It wasn’t until I’d heard the thought that had been rattling around in my own head out loud that I’d realized just how important it was to be made uncomfortable. How vital it was to be "aware of everything I was saying.” How desperately so many of us needed - and still need - to widen our circles to let in precisely those about whose lives and opinions and reactions we should deeply care.

We can’t take up every fight, particularly not on social media. But I do hope that at least in our brick and mortar lives, we will keep finding avenues to connect, to talk, to learn, and to grow. Because the absence of connection has proven to be fertile ground for nothing but fear, hate, and further division — and we’ve had enough of those to last a lifetime.

* Full quote: "One of the ICA’s most important conclusions was that Russia’s aggressive interference efforts should be considered ‘the new normal.’ That warning has been borne out, as Russia and its imitators increasingly use information warfare to sow societal chaos and discord.” - Republican Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina, Chairman, Senate Intelligence Committee"

-

And now, me:

FYI, one of my mentors is the activist mentioned, Radical Neurodivergent K, who coined the term neurodivergence many years ago, who will indeed take you to task regardless of what your brain is. And it's only been since 2013 that I discovered I was autistic, but in that time I have experienced and listened to so many ways of thinking, I've put them all in a crucible, and I keep trying to explain that just because you know a thing it doesn't mean you have all the knowledge. You always have more to learn. Information changes, expands, updates, increases. It's really easy to be a hypocrite. You need to keep listening to yourself, and you can't just burst in to gatekeep no matter how you feel.

A good example might be: an "Aspie Supremacist" insisting I or other autistic fans can't make an autistic headcanon about a fictional character who displays autistic traits because, according to that gatekeeper, the character doesn't have all the "right" traits, meaning their own traits, because they still retain their Aspergers diagnosis. By itself this is deep internalized ableism, and now it's with the added insult of an outdated diagnosis connected to a eugenics program that makes me extremely uncomfortable. Because Aspergers Syndrome is autism full stop, and functioning labels don't work and are arbitrary. Nobody needs to be that haughty or condescending to another neurotribe member, especially when it comes to expressing very personalized imaginings. That's kind of what Headcanons are about.

Anyway.

[autistickeely]

Hi I have a question. How to make my mom understand autism? She always say about anyone who's the tiniest bit odd that they're "a little aspie". I don't feel that's respectful, it's like saying "everyone's a little autistic" it invalidates our struggles. She doesn't care and says she's entitled to her mindset. Also she doesn't get the food-thing. Often we have much at home but I can't eat certain bread etc. because it feels wrong in my mouth. She says i'm picky and being difficult on purpose.

Hiya! First off I just wanted to say I’m really sorry you have to live with someone who doesn’t understand or accept you. I know how hard it is because when I was first diagnosed my parents didn’t have a clue what it really meant and it was the worst 3 years of my life. It’s near on impossible to change the view of someone who is incredibly stubborn. I think I could shove a textbook all about autism into your mum’s brain and she’d still come up with some reason to disagree with the facts. If she was open to learning about autism from an actual autistic person she could email me and I could explain all about it to her. My work email is autistickeely@gmail.com if she’s interested! And if you ever need someone to talk to you can always message me. I don’t want you to ever feel invalid and it can help to talk to people who understand ❤️

[stimtoybox]

Hi!I'm 22 years old and have had my aspie diagnosis for 6 years now.I'm a university student,and always masking my autism related behaviors.Any tips and advice on how to stop doing that and start stimming proudly in public when I need to? Also when I blurt out stupid things because of autism my mom tells me to stop and think about what I'm saying.What to do when the thinking goes off in my head in the wrong direction or otherwise doesn't help?I want to stop masking my autism behaviors.

Unfortunately, I am so much less good on the art of thinking before speaking–oh, if it were only that easy. I can usually manage when not upset or distressed, simply because Not Saying What I Am Thinking is a survival tactic in my family, usually resulting in Not Saying Anything At All. (For obvious reasons, this isn’t something I’d encourage in anyone else, because it’s born of a toxic dynamic.) When upset, though, there is no filter between my mouth and my brain–and often limited ability to even get words out–and it’s something I’ve never been able to improve myself. Perhaps other autistics have some ideas, or posting in the #actuallyautistic tag?This is one subject where I really don’t have advice to give and I fear anything I’d say would be spectacularly less than helpful.

As someone who has had to relearn/reclaiming stimming as an adult after my diagnosis and who had fairly successfully lost the ability, though, this part of your ask is comfortable territory for me. So I will talk your ear off about this! For context, I went from being afraid to pace in a therapy session with an allistic psychologist who knew about my diagnosis and was supportive of it to being someone who can obviously stim in a department store without caring. It took me about three years, but it can be done!

Please recognise that you’ve spent so long suppressing your need to stim from the world and from yourself, so this relearning will take a while and that’s okay. I mean, you’ve spent more than a decade without a diagnosis or perhaps even context for how you behave and move, engaging in the suppression of what is natural to you. That’s so much training about allistic-appropriate movement and behaviour you have to undo and unravel, and it’s not going to happen overnight, as much as we wish it. It’ll take time.

The first step, if you haven’t already, is exploring and developing your stim kit and your bodily stims. Figure out the toys and stims you like and how you like to use them. Make sure your kit includes toys that are quiet, don’t contain flickering lights, are low-odor and won’t draw too much attention–toys, in other words, ideal for public stimming. Consider mermaid sequin bags/pencil cases, fidget jewellery pieces like necklace pendants and spinner rings, keychain fidgets that can be attached to your bag, etc. You might also wish to consider toys that have become popular, like squishies, as they’ll draw less negative attention through their normalised use. Have more standard toys too, like Fidget Cubes and spinners and Tangles, but make sure you have a selection of stealth toys ready to go for your first ventures into public stimming.

Beginning with toys where I less feared any kind of reaction from others helped a lot in reducing my anxiety that people would say something about my stimming. In all honesty, few people say anything if I fidget with a necklace pendant or a bracelet. Neurotypical people do this sort of thing all the time.

The next step is to work on being comfortable with stimming in private–really comfortable. If you’re in your room with the door closed, stim. If you’re in bed at night in the dark, stim (with toys safe for this purpose). First thing in the morning after waking up, before you’ve interacted with anyone–stim. Make stimming part of your private life, a daily habit, part of your routine. Stim in the shower or bath–plastic toys like Tangles or hedge balls are fine for bathroom use and nobody else will see you do it! Keep toys on your desk and in your pockets so they’re right there, and when you’re alone and you see them, use them, even if only for a moment or two. The more you stim generally, even when you don’t need it, the more unconscious it will become and the easier it will be to stim when you do.

More steps under the cut because long post is long:

This step is not easy. Even with my door closed, at times I felt so desperately uncomfortable (and afraid of people barging in, because that happens at my house). Start with the most subtle/unobtrusive toys even in private, if you’re anxious about this. Just spin a spinner ring while watching TV or stroke a textured pendant. Do these smaller stims until you’re comfortable with them. I will say that keeping other toys within reach made it easy for me to progress from more subtle toys to less subtle ones, so I’d recommend that–starting with a spinner ring but having a Tangle within sight and reach. You might find, as I did, that you reach for the toy before you recognise that you’re ready for it, so have it there, waiting.

Stimming in private is for experimenting--for trying toys out, for trying movements out, for letting yourself move and sway without caring about other people. The more you can do this, and the more you can gain confidence to further experiment with bodily stims and toys, the more you can grow the habit of stimming generally, so I do recommend looking at every opportunity you can find for even short stim sessions.

Third, once you’re starting to feel comfortable with private stimming, look at what situations relating to public stimming might cause more anxiety or discomfort. There’s stimming on a bus, where people look more at their phones than at other people, versus stimming in a shopping centre or on the street. There’s stimming in front of strangers versus stimming in front of friends and family. Stimming in the library might be easier for you than stimming in the classroom during a tutorial–and stimming inside a lecture theatre, with nobody paying attention to you, might be easier than both. Figure out what seems hardest and what seems easiest, even if only in theory, and then write out a list of those situations from easiest to hardest. Take the easiest five from the top, tear them off and throw away the rest of the list, because it’ll feel overwhelming now and you don’t need it. Just keep the five easiest ones and put it aside.

Fourth, make another list with circumstances, right now, in which you think you can easily and safely stim outside the house/bedroom. The cinema was one of mine, so dark nobody can see my hands move, and it’s easy to shove my toy in a bag or pocket when the lights come up. This is just to get you thinking about circumstances where you can, with no risk of anxiety or ableism, stim, to continue the habit-building of your private stimming. If you don’t think about it, you won’t know that you can try it, so I do recommend making this list. You won’t always remember to stim in these situations when you’re in them, and that’s fine and normal, but if you think of it once or twice, it’s worth the effort.

While doing all this, keep stimming in private! Keep cultivating an interest in stimming and stim toys! Add to your kit so you don’t get bored of one toy; get your favourite toy in a couple of different colours; talk to other stimmers; admire toy collection posts, enjoy bodily stimming GIFs--do whatever you can to connect to your stims so stimming has a positive association for you. You don’t have to stim all day long, just make it a habit to pick up a toy or perform a bodily stim once or twice a day, for a little a while, and over time you’ll unconsciously do this more often and for longer. Let your body point you towards where it wants to go and roll with it, because your body does know–you’ve just got to get used to understanding and allowing it again.

Once you are comfortable with both stimming in private and stimming in situations that are theoretically public but are safe (like said cinema), pull out your list of five. You may have written it months ago by now, but see if you still feel like you want to attempt these or if–now you are more used to thinking about stimming and places in which you can stim–you can think of easier ones. Pick the easiest one, with your most subtle toys, and start to make a habit of stimming there, too. When that space becomes comfortable, look at other locations. By this stage, stimming should be becoming more of a habit that it becomes natural to start unconsciously reaching for a fidget pendant. I know that you can’t imagine it now, and neither could I when I began, but it will happen.

In the meantime, in private, introduce less-subtle toys into your stimming, and begin to get comfortable with these where nobody can observe you.

Slowly, over time, you introduce subtle stims into more and more locations/situations, and then you start to introduce less-subtle stims into these locations. You’ll build up both the habit and the confidence over time--and then one day you’ll find yourself rocking on your feet in front of your aunt and don’t realise until later that you were being so damn autistic in front of your most ableist of relatives and you don’t even care. It took me three years to get there, but I did, and you will too.

(I will say, that for me, using stim toys gradually brought me more comfort with unconscious bodily stims, too. I do still stim more with toys, but I’ve regained a lot of natural movement in all sorts of ways through my toys.)

Just be patient and slowly, gradually work your way up from safe/private spaces with subtle toys wherever possible for you. Take your time, don’t push yourself into anything scary until you feel ready for it and just quietly build up the habit, and before you quite know it you will be stimming when you need to. You just have to get your body used to looking toward stimming as the answer.

[trans-advice]

Aspie anon* I'm not out to my family and don't have the resources to go to a gender therapist. For the most part I am able to wear what I want and my family doesn't bother me about it but I know that my mom would react negatively to the possibility of me being trans. I hope to get a job and move out so i can see a gender therapist in the future but right now idk I guess I just have to try to figure it out on my own

I think it would be best for you to dress and present how you feel most comfortable and transition after moving out. It's best to avoid a harmful situation if possible. -Dakota💙

[bl3randomfandoms]

@pharaoh-ink The First Noel?

I'm gonna answer this one too, because it's fun.

My favorite ornament is this hideous snowman/icicle. Yep, you read that right. He is a glittery 90's mess of snowman and icicle. And he is slightly terrifying. But what makes him so cool is that he was given to me by a school bully. Rachel was my 5th grade nemesis. See, I'm one of those people that gets along with everyone. I just do. I'm like Hurley that way. And Rachel hated me. I don't know why. Maybe I did something to piss her off, and just didn't know about it. Being an Aspie kid, I didn't learn a lot of social stuff until I was in my twenties.

So, it's time for Secret Santa. And I'm like... 10 years old. And already anxious about it. My family was pretty poor. What do I get a kid that doesn't make me look like a total loser? And what if I get somebody that I don't like? What if I get... Rachel Wagner. I still remember pulling out that piece of paper, hoping against hope that I'd get a friend, or somebody that was at least nice to me. But that name, scrawled in marker, stared up at me, mocking me.

So... I just made the best of it, and got her a dumb bath set. Even though she's 10 and probably doesn't even enjoy a nice bath. I spent the whole rest of the month wondering what she would get me. Would it be just a card? Or socks? I was freaking out. And would she like what I got her? Who likes those bath sets, anyway? It was my mom's idea...

The day of the gift exchange finally arrives. And here she is. Rachel Wagner. We exchange presents. She has that horrible look on her face like she tasted something bitter. An expression even a face-blind Aspie can read. And I unwrap it. It's small and narrow. And it's hideous. Hideously beautiful. The snowman/icicle hybrid. And I'm so grateful it isn't a box of sand or some shit that I may have started crying. Because this ornament looks old already. And while that may seem crappy to most people, I actually saw it as a sentimental thing. To this day, I think she pulled it off her own tree. A family ornament. In truth, she probably didn't wanna spend money on me, the weird social misfit girl.

It still hangs on my tree. And I adore it. Thank you, Rachel.

(Even if you did mean to mock me.)

🎄Christmas Carol Asks🎄

Silent Night: What is your favorite Christmas tradition?

Joy to the World: Any New Years resolutions?

O Come All Ye Faithful: Is Christmas a religious or a secular holiday for you?

Deck the Halls: How does your family decorate?

Oh Holy Night: What do you do on Christmas eve?

Away in a Manger: Favorite Christmas Movie?

The First Noel: Do you have a favorite tree ornament?

Oh Tannenbaum: Does your family get a real tree every year or do you have a fake one?

Good King Wenceslas: Do you hang stockings up?

Patapan: Are you traveling for Christmas this year?

God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen: What’s the earliest Christmas memory you have?

The Little Drummer Boy: Josh Dun.

The Holly and the Ivy: Favorite christmas dessert?

Ding Dong Merrily on High: Favorite Christmas piece of clothing? (Hat, sweater, etc?)

We Wish You A Merry Christmas: Does your family send Christmas cards?

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing: Do you still believe in Santa? If not when did you stop?

We Three Kings: What do you want for Christmas?

Angels we Have Heard on High: Angel or star on the top of the tree?

Lo, How A Rose: What’s your Christmas dinner menu?

What Child is This: Do you like eggnog?

[ferrerochocobo]

Okay so MOST of the time- I don't post my personal life on here, but I think for just once- this is one of those times I need to address something.

An asshat of a coworker.

For context- yes, we both have Aspergers. I work at a company that employs people with disabilities. But that DOES not mean I get along with my fellow Aspergers people all the time. Especially if they have no desire to be courteous- knowing they're hurting the feelings of others.

With that, here's another segment of what crap my coworker did tonight. Also, I work on a military base. So if I'm redacting- it's for good reason.

So tonight, it started with us getting into the van after the [redacted]. You know- where the [redacted] and [redacted] are. Now, I'm gonna scribble a diagram of the van. So you can understand the seating here.

Okay, that's super shitty BUT the two at the top are the front seats, behind is this long seat, behind that is a long seat with an individual seat beside it. Next to two doors. And behind that, the same deal.

So- we get on the van and he sits in the seat behind the passengers.

I crawl on in with my book bag and sit on the third seat- by the window.

I can hear him sigh and he's like, 'Can you shut the door getting in from now on?'

I tell him that if I was closer, I would. But also have a bag on my back. But if we traded seats, it would be easier. Obviously pissed at my solution, the guy says nothing. We go to the youth center then the other one with the gym. And this dude. Like....christ.

Not only does he like to do this thing where he only opens one side of the interlocking doors when we get to [redacted]- which effectively has me clattering like a turtle around in the van- But when I go to unlock the center's doors- he tries to constantly step in front before I can get in and put my bag down.

So I go to return the keys and ask [Team Lead] what she wants me to do- and per usual- [redacted] comes up and inturupts me in the middle of my conversation.

I've swallowed his inturupting constantly. Chalking it up to Aspergers. Giving him the benefit of the doubt. But holy christ if I was done with this inconsiderate shit. And [Team Lead] saw me. She knows. I turn to him with whatever hes saying and go- 'I was talking. Stop inturupting me.'

In a tone that can only be thrown in with the sound of spiteful pride at getting snapped off at, he says his 'Sorry...!' And that tears it. This man is an adult and he's acting like this. He owns a house. A car. And lives on his own and pays bills. And is acting like this to me.

I don't even let him finish his excuse.

'You always inturupt me in conversation! Learn to respect others!' He goes off in his huff and I turn back to [Team Lead]. She smiles half-heartedly because she can see my frustration. Tells me to breathe. I successfully get my calm back. In between my fear of yelling at others and my own frustration- it's usually why I have panics.

So we talk a bit and I'm like, 'I had to. He always inturupts and I told you I was gonna.'

She grins and she's like, 'I know. He does it to me all the time and it's rude!'

So with that, I go and clean. And the entire time- he's in his usual silent grump, foul mood. The kind that comes from being busted. We finish up and go back to the warehouse. (For context here of what's coming: Sometimes he drives me home.)

So we get back and I'm putting stuff away- I'm on one side of the warehouse and he's on the other.

Some of the coworkers are still around, too. Including [redacted]. A really nice Taurean coworker.

Out of nowhere, in this really smug voice in front of others, jerky guy goes-

Him: 'Hey [redacted].'

Me: 'Oh. Yeah?'

Him: 'Deals' off.'

I arch my brow a bit. Because I know he's trying to stab my pride. He's trying to make me feel helpless.

Me: 'Cool. Cheaper anyways. You need to stop being disrespectful to me.'

Him: 'What?'

And I'm hella sure he heard me. He wants me to shut down. But his 5'10-5'11 is nothing to the 5'7 I have, or the confidence I have with the few around- including my team lead.

Me: 'You always inturupt me. It's rude and disrespectful. Learn to have respect for me. Conversation over.'

I pass him and go to the clock and clock out. He's all, 'You do realize I'm talking about driving you home right?'

Me: 'Yeah, and I don't care. I have my mom. And Uber. Way cheaper.'

Him: 'Like I give a care.'

Me: 'Then why are we having this conversation?'

Me: 'See ya. Once again, conversation over.'

My team lead just knows and I watch him leave as I go to her. Then to [nice Taurus coworker] and the guys and tell them what shit [jerky coworker] did.

He was worried and wanted to keep peace. And I'm like, 'Man, the guy needs to stop that shit. You know me well enough. He tried to stand up and be taller but I'm the Aspie Alpha. Not him.' We do the usual handshake and I head home.

Now, you have to understand- just because we're Aspergers, doesn't mean we don't have a right to be treated kindly. To be treated respectibly. Over the course of the years, he's bluntly called me a bitch. He's made sarcastic remarks when I clean and do my job before he gets to a building like, 'I'm actually surprised you did your job.'

He's belittled me and called me lazy. He's also, multiple times- voiced his opinion on how he feels about religion.

He's made me feel self-concious about my body by knowing I'm a cosplayer and telling me 'I can't see you as that character. You're too big for them. Maybe if you lost 15 or 20 lbs though.' All the while, boosting himself up and talking about all his accomplishments. All the while- basking in the fact that every time he says something rude and I don't call him on it- that that means he's won.

You must understand. I am not a violent person. My heart flutters in fear of yelling at people. Hurting them.

But I feel my anger turn to not spite- but courage. A voice in me that was once a whisper every time he inturupts me turning into a roar of confidence. Something that can't be silent. I wouldn't take this from a friend. And I will not take this from an enemy.

To other Aspergers people- how would you handle this? I really want to know. NTs can answer, but I really want a fellow Aspergers person's opinion.